Mom Shaming | It's Time to End the Judgment and Support Each Other

Become a parent and begin to witness being shamed for anything or everything. In fact, it is more common for mothers as compared to fathers. The bar for men is so low that if they do bare minimum, it’s celebrated. If they do more than just a thing or two, you are a lucky wife and mom. It’s that uncommon. The men of Gen X assumed themselves as kings of their house. So, the children’s welfare was solely put on mother’s shoulders except the finances. If the child did anything that brought family into negative light, it was the mom’s fault. Add several decades into the mix, and the narrative hasn’t changed much. It’s still the mom’s fault.

Recently, I went to a grocery store to buy essential items. There I saw a woman with a little girl, possibly less than 3 years old. What caught my attention was, this girl was stuck to a smartphone the entire time. She was walking and staring into the screen. At times, she was also on her mother’s lap and there too she was still holding it firm, constantly watching videos. The degree of addiction was mind boggling. As a mother of a little girl too of a 2-year-old, even though I knew the situation was alarming, I didn’t have the urges to go tell her that she shouldn’t give her kid phone all the time.

Child on a phone

Was this affecting me or my health personally? No! I simply concluded that that women must be working hard at home and probably at workplace as well. She wanted her jobs to be done without interruption by the child. Yes, giving a smartphone at this tender age is a go to quick fix for everybody these days, all thanks to the hustle culture we live in. But I also know that she is going to eventually learn this the hard way when the child would do nothing at all in the coming years. So, even if someone does go to give her a free advice on what she should and shouldn’t do, she would probably brush it off at the moment. She might as well feel guilty for doing this and not have any other ideas to keep the child busy so that everyone lives at peace.

If I weren’t the parent myself, I would’ve probably not understood this. But I kept my judgements at bay and was minding my business. The point is, mom shaming is very real and so prevalent that mothers gradually learn to ignore unsolicited advice from people around them. If they don’t, they end up feeling hurt quite much all the time.

Whether she nurses her child for 2+ years, or gives the baby formula as a result of burnout or simply out of choice, people have something in their mind to shame her. Whether her child “looks” underweight or overweight, she would be told to give them food, or cut back some. Absolutely no mother in her right mind would starve her child but she would still be casually told, “Don’t you give her something to eat? Give her milk. Give her eggs.”.

Don’t you give her something to eat? Give her milk. Give her eggs.

My child literally eats most food we offer her since the day she started solids, and yet isn’t plump enough as per their standards. Even if she does put on weight in the future, she would be shamed for being overweight.

They also comment about my girl’s inability to speak a sentence, although she knows some words but is shy enough to speak out loud. I am aware of other kids her age who are also not speaking much. This took me a while to understand that the way our children look has to do with genetics and whatever they eat on a daily basis.

Just look around and you will notice a bunch of obese kids, munching on chips, biscuits, and bakery items, looking older than their actual age. Additionally, struggling with nearsightedness and higher risk of developing diabetes, cholesterol, heart issues, etc. in their later age.

Child eating milk cereal egg

This is no rocket science that if I give my kid the same kinds of stuff, she is going to put on some body mass over the years. But why should I ignore the fact that she isn’t going to get any vitamins, iron, calcium, and other vital nutrients? Only a medical report is going to prove whether her health is okay or not. In my opinion, most people I encounter are downright ignorant and mean, and they usually know nothing about science. And they don’t want to know either. If I try to state facts, it looks more argumentative.

As far as a child’s language development is concerned, it depends on how many languages they typically hear and how often they socialise. It’s common to see rapid development in language once they join daycare or (pre)school.

If parents start believing that their child is perfect with no flaws, they will stop putting value to such negative narratives. I don’t mean to say to ignore everything and don’t pay heed to obvious signs of physical or mental regression. I intend to convey that, as an individual, better be more with people who resonate with you, and not those who look for opportunities to put you down. This will help you to not overthink about trivial things.

Why people do this to other people? And they wonder why I won’t socialise enough. Why am I the only one who gets all sensitive when it comes to basic human interaction? Is it too much to ask for general decency? No wonder I don’t fit in this so-called perfect hypocritical world.

I ignore most of the time but I am allowed to act human. Hearing things like 500 times in your lifetime is going to create an impact. And the impact is, meet less people. Most of them don’t comprehend at all anyway.

For once, I urge you to stop asking for validation from those who lack basic intellect. And to those who feel the urge to say something, don’t. Really. Think objectively before you speak. Think if it is really necessary. Think what if you don’t say, whether it will create a negative impact on the child or the mother, or if that directly affects you in some way. If you are closely related try to be gentle in a way that it doesn’t trigger the mother. Better not to repeat certain things if you already said it before. She is overstimulated already!