International Day of People with Disabilities – How Inclusion Helps End Ableist Projection Rooted in Karma Misconceptions

When I watched the Bollywood movie “Rockstar” several years ago upon its release, the concept of being doomed enough in personal life to actually compose a melodious song was foreign to me. I did not get it. Why would someone have to be miserable in their private life to write an outstanding song!

This doubt was settled years later when I began to journal from the core of my heart. Having my share of tragedies in my past, such as childhood trauma, bullying, infertility, miscarriage, etc., journaling could be of great means to give my feelings the right direction. Whenever I would be in total distress due to issues in personal life, the overflown mind couldn't find an outlet other than write-ups I'd create late at night.

Not that happy people cannot express, but solitude brings out-of-the-world kind of piece. It supplies oxygen to the barely-surviving soul. On top of that, people are naturally drawn to negative experiences as they can relate more. Write-ups gave me freedom to express without the fear of judgement since it's a non-performative act, unlike doing something live on stage.

Apologies for beginning a blog that way. My objective is to articulate my understanding of disability, people's attitude towards disabled people, why inclusion is necessary, and how to achieve that mindset. Don't be surprised if I add karmic and philosophical tone into the mix.

Let me begin with my childhood days. Like most others, I grew up in the surroundings of regular people – parents, their two or three healthy children, school teachers, and so on. All of them seemed to be growing like everybody else, with no apparent physical challenges.

We, as children, only had to worry about our school grades in this cut-throat, competitive world to survive and potentially thrive in adulthood. Nobody would think anything which went out of context or life’s unexpected syllabus. A handful of people with disabilities as mere acquaintances used to be there, but most of us didn’t think enough about them, like how they led their lives, what daily struggles they faced, because it wasn’t personally affecting us.

My life in general has been perfect. I usually get things I want sooner or later, whether it’s about marrying someone I loved, or becoming a parent, even after years of struggling to get pregnant, and a miscarriage. Apart from little doses of bullying from schoolmates and teachers, body-shaming, I never faced a huge financial setback right from the beginning. On top of that, I was born physically and mentally healthy. Maybe because of good Karma? I am not sure of that part, honestly, since there were different kinds of struggles I dealt with as well. Who puts people in disabled or abled bodies when it comes to Karma!

Some weeks ago, when there was a regular monthly interaction with my daughter’s class teacher, I was told that they are all concerned about her speech skills. So, she suggested having an assessment from a professional to rule out any possibilities of any mental illness they doubted my daughter might be dealing with. This was at this point that I had to go to somebody who could see whether she had a normal speech delay or something else.

On that particular day, I had an immense hit of stress hormones rushing through my core. Why me? Why am I the one who has to make extra efforts to get things done while the rest of the world has it like a cakewalk? Why do I have to invest an enormous chunk of time and money for basic things, such as conception, and to enable my child to speak a sentence when other children learn it for free? I had no other choice but to start her speech therapy due to delayed speech skills.

I admitted her to a school that focuses on working on children’s speech delays that happen due to a wide range of reasons, such as Autism Spectrum Disorder, Down Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, or simply a normal developmental or speech delay. She eventually gained momentum, and continues going there.

Back in my school days in the nineties, people did not have enough understanding of physical and mental health ailments that required early intervention, such as therapy by experienced psychologists or psychiatrists. Children would often be labelled as weak or stupid. To those who already had such type of child would hate their own offspring, let alone the rest of the world. This could result in emotional neglect and parental abuse.

Imagine a child’s mental state with no fault of theirs in the way they are born. Others' treatment due to negative biases and assumptions could be well turned into self-hatred or acceptance of their situation, depending on their personal understanding and the path they choose.

I eventually began to witness children with mental (and/or physical) illnesses coming from different backgrounds to therapy so that they could also learn to speak or express themselves. I witnessed a lot of them getting better over time, no matter how slow they were getting there. One girl is suffering from cerebral palsy, and she couldn’t even stand for a few seconds. She started to walk and this improvement occurred within a month before my eyes.

The entire time of the first two months, I kept on thinking why I was chosen to observe this scenario daily for two hours, the time period they said they would dedicate to my daughter as a one-on-one session. Am I not sufficiently mature or compassionate? Having witnessed my own childhood friend for ages, who was herself dealing with muscular dystrophy, wasn’t enough to get into a disabled person’s shoes?

The days passed by as usual until one day. There were festival vibes going on, and the staff intended to celebrate it by inviting everyone. I saw a girl having an uncanny resemblance to my best friend, who I lost almost a year ago. This triggered my past, and I froze for a while. She came forward and held my hand without speaking. My entire past was staring at me. I had to walk this particular path I didn’t sign into. I was asking the universe what kind of divinely orchestrated plan it was. To feel what I have been avoiding feeling? I did not have answers.

In second grade, I noticed that my friend was comparatively weaker. She would run slower, climb one step at a time on stairs, while the rest of us would be age-appropriate swift. I, and some of our other friends, ignored and considered her as someone who was behind in physical activities like sports. The concept of being thin and skinny wasn’t new to us. Nobody imagined her condition deteriorating over time to the point of collapse.

The rest of us were busy chasing our dreams and ambitions, and she was walking behind this race. We all graduated. Many of us had masters degrees, and very few got a Ph.D. as well. Most got married and had kids. She could not complete her twelfth grade, let alone graduate and things that follow.

Her demise didn’t hurt me the way her life had. It was just that I did not like the way it happened, the timing, because it was sudden. But one thing I know for sure is that, if it had occurred a decade or so ago, it would have devastated me beyond repair. I couldn't have handled the lifelong trauma the way I am able to at present. Maybe it was the right time.

Her health was slowly declining to the point of paralysis. It was disheartening to witness all of those things that only she got to bear. She didn’t get the opportunity to lead what is considered as a normal life as stated earlier. The rest of the world did, but her. Of course, I miss her presence and she lives in my head rent-free. But I couldn't be selfish, asking God to keep her few more years with me when clearly her survival required support.

She was never the kind who would complain, but rather the kind who learned to eventually accept and embrace her situation the way it was. But the problem was that, it was harder to breathe. Her condition was progressive and degenerative. This was the reason why during her last moments, she lost interest in everything.

For me, it was never enough. No matter how many times I talked over the phone or in person for decades. I always feel about things that were left unsaid. I feel guilty of not meeting her enough number of times, or be available when I was supposed to. 

Back to the present, Miss Doppelganger, who is around 11-12 years old, has been suffering from Down Syndrome and can’t speak either. I cannot help but believe that this is all part of the bigger picture I am not grasping at this point.

The only thing I have comprehended so far is that, all children are unique and have their own way and pace to learn things. The traditional educational institutions aren’t built for all of them because they cannot afford to have a syllabus that works for everyone with a guarantee that each one of them is going to learn and graduate. They need to hire teachers who have sound knowledge while dealing with neurotypical as well as neurodivergent kids.

On top of that, understanding child psychology plays a key role. Neurotypical folks have a habit to rather forcing their kids to win trophies from the moment they begin school.

The current system segregates kids and puts a barrier between abled and disabled persons. This leads to lesser knowledge and awareness, and in turn, limited empathy. A physically and mentally healthy individual cannot comprehend how a differently abled person has to compromise their dreams and desires because their situation simply doesn’t allow to chase them.

How priorities change for disabled people

I remember my friend once told she wanted to become a doctor when we were in seventh grade. This happened when our class teacher asked everybody what they’d like to become after growing up. When the time actually arrived to choose streams in eleventh grade, she couldn’t pursue biology since the subject required daily practical classes. She didn’t want to bother her family members that often frequently, hence, she dropped it.

People with disabilities have to make an entire plan B they probably never thought about all because their life took a U-turn.

And I am not confining this to those who are born with birth defects, but also those who have had, for instance, an accident that made them paralysed or blind, or aged people who too have mobility challenges. Hence, life’s choices are influenced by unforeseen circumstances beyond one’s control. People have desires, and completely abled individuals aren’t the ones who deserve that. Everybody deserves to accomplish what they wish for. But how likely are they to get it?

People’s attitude that governs behavior due to ‘bad’ past karma

In Hindu/Buddhist culture, there is a belief of reincarnation based on what actions one executes, and what rewards or punishments they are going to get, like The Butterfly Effect. There are scriptures that mention the exact consequences of a particular action. Once I read that if a man is addicted to alcohol and hits his woman regularly, he reincarnates in the form of a woman, marries early, and gets widowed soon.

People have such beliefs, and they ill-treat disabled kids and adults because those individuals apparently ‘deserve’ it due to past life karma. They justify their own acts because they consider themselves as superior beings. Little do they realise that they are downplaying their karmic scores (if they believe that they somehow managed to up) due to such behaviours. They cannot continue to earn rewards if they keep mistreating due to negative biases.

Let's not think about gratification or penalties, but simply on maturity, not because you have to, but because you genuinely want to. Don't be part of the crowd who offers support just for some social media clicks, or afterlife incentives.

People ill-treat disabled kids and adults because those individuals apparently ‘deserve’ it due to past life karma.

Personally, I am not a religious person and I am not falling for those written words regarding what consequences one is getting for doing so-and-so deeds. But I am not an atheist either. Therefore, not entirely dismissing the theory. The key difference in my belief is that, I do not think that there is a straightforward answer to our past wrongdoings. Such as on what basis a person would take rebirth as a disabled candidate, who wouldn’t, and why? What’s the karma of those who mock or humiliate them?

Those who are physically challenged can at least learn something in their experience due to emotional maturity. But what about those who are mentally challenged as well? What would they possibly learn if their understanding of the world at large is greatly limited?

Do mentally disabled people view their overall life after death?

Speaking of Karma, what is the role of those who weren't born with birth defects, but simply those who witness it? Are we learning empathy, compassion? How many of us really grasp it, or how many stay in ignorance? 

I remember a neighbor kid, who I highly doubted might have a severe form of autism, who was a child of a doctor, stayed the way he was for years. The parent refused to go for any kind of treatment, despite that he probably knew therapy could save them all. But he didn’t. The child would keep screaming, alongside his toxic parents, who were verbally abusive towards each other. The entire house used to be a battlefield of two immature adults refusing to nurture the home environment.

Nurturing yet again requires emotional maturity that they didn't have. Emotional maturity and inclusive mindset both are deeply interconnected.

How people's mindset and general attitude influence the Inclusion of Disabled People

Stephan Hawking

Being a very close pal to my late friend, I had been a listening ear to her personal journey my entire life, and I concluded that the world remains largely ignorant, unfair, and mean to people with disabilities.

A lady once told her, “Oh! So you know how to use a mobile phone!”. Why was that a surprise? Using technical devices requires brains. Even Stephen Hawking could manage that. Duh! 

There had been remarks regarding her desire to dress well in a marriage -

“Who would you show yourself to? It’s not that you are getting married anyway!”

There were instances from regular places like shops or hospitals where people on duty would be unkind. These are just a couple of examples from thousands of others I am quoting to show awareness how mankind can stoop so low that a fellow human couldn't be treated like a human but garbage.

I cannot emphasize enough that inclusion is the need of the hour. If everyone interacts with everyone else since their childhood, people would be able to empathize and normalize what's usually considered bizarre.

To minimize ableist projection, segregation needs to be removed. If a child is born with birth defects, their parents deserve support, not being dismissed and pitied how hard their life is going to get. Ableist projection occurs due to lack of empathy, which I am going to discuss and also explain alongside how it differentiates with pity and sympathy.

Difference between Pity, Sympathy, and Empathy

Speaking of empathy that I strongly stress on, it could be confused with sympathy and pity. Pity is an emotion people often express while feeling superior. For instance, a rich pitying a poor. Sympathy comes from the feeling of compassion towards the other party. An example includes if someone dies in a family and we as a visitor feel bad. Empathising brings us to the same level as if putting ourselves in the same shoes.

For instance, without Empathy one cannot understand that despite hardships everyone can earn, including persons with disabilities. Lack of comprehension and empathy keeps both kinds of parties in separate categories leading to more taboo if they happen to interact with some of their kinds and the other kinds.

Disabled People in Jobs and in School and Colleges - Real-Life Examples

George Robinson

There have been a few instances I saw of people with disabilities having issues such as deafness, albinism, etc. and yet serving the workforce like hotel and hospitality businesses, clothing stores, and so on. George Robinson, an actor in the series Sex Education, whose role was that of a wheelchair person. He cannot walk in real life due to an accident, and he is one of the rarest persons with disabilities who was given the same role.

Last but not least, a class fellow of my daughter who attends playschool, is partially blinded, and she is treated normally just like other kids. I am not sure whether the world where I stand has begun to improve, or I happen to witness these exceptional cases. Because I totally remember few people having mobility troubles during my undergrad years were stared at whenever they'd make appearance in corridors and staircases.

It’s a common practice to consider people with special needs as different. They are literally identified with it and never viewed as an individual. They are expected to behave nicely all the time even in cases when there are clear indication of toxic projections and gaslighting. I can't speak on behalf of all because individual experience may vary, but it's convincing since the rest of the world is undoubtedly malignant anyway, even to each other.

When individuals cannot empathise with a differently abled person's challenges on a day-to-day basis, they cannot think enough about how to make their life easier. The idea simply doesn't cross their mind since they are not the ones suffering. Look around your city's overall infrastructure and judge by yourself whether it's accessible to wheelchair persons, blind people, anybody else who has some degree of mobility and other issues.

Kindness is free!

City's Infrastructure - Buildings and Vehicles

When I moved to Kochi and started working in an organisation situated in the SmartCity, I noticed that most of its entrances were disabled friendly. They had minimal stairs and had slopes instead so that wheels could roll. Their elevators also had braille scripts written alongside visible numbers and signs. The lifts' entry was right from the lower basement area. Literally, anyone could come and work as an employee there.

Braille Script

In general, very few public transport have slopes so that a person can enter without having to walk or take others' support. There are vehicles that are personalised as per one's need, such as scooters and bikes with more than two wheels.

But most places in India have lots of stairs without caring about those who cannot walk. Even in shopping malls, there are limited numbers of wheelchairs available for rent, causing discomfort and a load on those who have the responsibility to lift a person with mobility issues.

Going to places where children take therapy to develop skills made me realise that all children are different, but they aren’t incapable. The world is harsh and doesn’t forgive them for having learning or physical difficulties, a situation beyond their control. People expect them to be competent and standout or bypass others. So, they aren't getting any validation.

Children growing up in such an environment internalise that narrative. If they aren’t able to meet those expectations, there is a good chance that they’d self-loathe. But there is a reason why I think that they are special, and I am going to give an unbiased opinion.

All Children are Specially Abled

Being called specially-abled or differently abled isn't a buzzword or some kind of media rebranding of people with disabilities. It literally implies that everyone has some skills they naturally have or manage to learn over time due to circumstances.

For instance, blind people have ultra-sensitive sense organs, such as hearing or smelling, that others are too distracted to notice. People who don't have hands write or paint using their toes. Mentally challenged individuals aren't permanently naive. They are just behind the rest in terms of learning, but they eventually catch up, except for those whose condition is too severe.

Inclusion starts when everyone drops general biases, and conditional thinking, which is the core of treating each other with respect. If that part is sorted, everything else will be sorted out, including workplaces and infrastructure, and even companionship and marriages.

Since the parts I mentioned aren't resolved yet, everything else is scattered still. I don’t want to sound rude, but lots of people really, really need to learn basic decency, and civic sense in all aspects. Most of them have a great sense of entitlement without any logical reason. I am not expecting them to give special treatment to one another, but at least treat others as humans without the need of arrogance. The kind of behavior they expect from others should be initiated by themselves too.

When are we going to learn even without such drastic circumstances not directly concerning us but somebody else? You'd rather find those who give useless advices without actually experiencing the hardships. This is deeply unsettling for me. Experiences like these force you to re-evaluate things you once dismissed without knowing any better.

As for the movie I stated in the beginning, maybe I need to rewatch it to get more philosophical idea.