That Unfortunate Couple - Childless Not by Choice (CNBC) But by Circumstances | Life’s Uncertainty

I always pictured myself as a mother somewhere around my graduation days when I met the love of my life. He was the perfect fit in my world. He had all the traits and mannerisms that I wanted in a man who would have fathered my child(ren). I visualised intensely reel-by-reel in my mind about the would-be scenario once I deliver a baby and that remained in my head ever since even after 15 years.

It made me go obsessively crazy when I wasn’t able to meet my objective. It’s a lonely place to survive for childless couples because we are expected to adjust within the world that adores only people with children. You are not allowed to talk about how you feel and are somehow anticipated to “just be positive” for yourself; and those-who-are-not-you won’t have an idea of your inner struggles.

People will keep poking you with “why not yet”, “we want to hear the good news soon”, “the time is ticking”, “don’t be stressful”, OR with an award-winning dumb question, “Are you pregnant?”. Oh! Do I look that fat?

This post is not about those who chose to be child-free deliberately. This is for those who wanted children but couldn’t and their future is uncertain. This is also about those who are certain that they can’t reproduce. Yes, people may deal with terminal illnesses like cancer that prevented them, or someone might have had hysterectomy or vasectomy because of a certain medical diagnosis. So, the list is endless.

If somebody reads this post they will perhaps think why I am so negative in my life. I should be hopeful. Well, not all hopes materialise. Countless couples used to be optimistic for many years but didn’t get to have that happy ending. Believe it or not, such couples existed for like centuries and they have always been near you, but you chose to ignore. I am just being practical because over expectation hurts. I don’t want to hurt myself by living in that delusional bubble of rainbows and unicorns. If you don’t validate my views, you can silently stop reading instead of giving me free advices in my DM. Trust me it doesn’t work like that. You can’t be optimistic for like next 15 years if nothing works in your favour. Consider yourself fortunate that you do not understand!

Anyway, my mood swings from being neutral to being happy to frustrated within days. I write down things when I need to express what’s on my mind. Everyone deals with their emotions differently. This time I chose to write a poem when I was wide awake at 3 am, not a typical of me!

Writing my own words here and letting it publicly express makes me mentally and spiritually liberated. So, there is no fear of vulnerability being exposed. Because somebody has to speak it up on behalf of everyone who is suffering similar battles as me, silently. Let’s make this world a better place where people with children and childless people coexist without judgement. So, here we start!

That unfortunate couple

They planned their entire life,

As early as in their twenties,

To study, get a job, explore the world,

And procreate,

Hoping to enjoy the life as it serves,

And when the time seemed right,

They were sure as hell,

That life was gonna be as they planned.

But their life kept throwing tantrums,

They thought,

Maybe the time wasn't right,

And that they might be missing something,

Maybe universe didn't want them to get things at the "right" time,

And by "things" it meant to have a child,

First and foremost, as a priority,

If not career or foreign plans,

But they were lame enough to believe that,

They were doing the right thing,

To plan parenthood,

As if everything was going to run smoothly,

They thought they were educated,

and aware of what they were planning,

and what their future had in store for them.

When they failed for little over a couple of months,

They decided to meet a doctor,

So as to make sense of everything.

They went to hospitals countless times,

To conclude something,

To fix their issues through tests and meds,

Only to get disappointments at the end,

They thought they knew what they were doing,

And that their nosy acquaintances were lame,

to give them unwelcome and ignorant advices,

Of "biological clock",

Yet they kept their stress at bay,

thinking that they were young and can reproduce at any age,

Because,

Celebrities in their 40s do that,

Women in Guinness world record in their 70s did that,

Why not them,

if certain hospitals claim to guarantee,

a newborn in their hoardings?

Why does everyone know that there is a thing like “biological clock”,

but unaware of the specific complications that might arrive?

Why does the rest of the world think,

that medical science can literally fix your infertility,

despite childlessness exists,

And is very real,

that plenty of couples have been facing for centuries?

That it requires massive amount of money,

To test your body, inject you,

Implant embryos inside of you,

Risking your body of hormones,

That can still cause a miscarriage,

And stillbirth in-between,

Instead of a live baby,

Crying and healthy.

If they were to naturally conceive,

They were expected to deliver the good news,

Why doesn't the world understand,

That they could be one of those unlucky folks,

who were blessed with a miscarriage instead?

That they were jealous of every other fortunate folks,

who could make multiple children like cakewalk every year.

You might be ignorant,

Because you never get it,

Until you face it,

They don't want your pity,

Or sympathy as they say,

But they want you to include them,

In your world,

Provided that there is no judgement,

Or no questions asked whatsoever,

Where everyone could feel safe and worthy,

regardless of their child or no-child status.

They would have been happy,

If you could at least empathise,

That it was never their fault,

To consider making money before a baby,

To be emotionally stable enough,

To love their child unconditionally,

Without emotional bruises,

To not abuse their unwanted child,

If they would've born earlier than expected,

They cared for their unborn,

Named lovely names,

Visualised their cuddles,

And even temperament.

They pictured how their child would possibly look, behave,

And what measures would they take,

Should their child show peculiar behaviour.

They learned child psychology,

And felt so ready to practically experiment.

They felt sorry for foster kids,

whose parents abandon them,

For whatever reasons.

They always knew that the world isn't a great place to live,

And that they were ready to support their child,

With an open mind,

They would have accepted their out-of-the-box thinking,

Opinions on different matters,

Choice of clothes, gender expression,

Sexual orientation and identity,

To say the least.

Only if they were lucky enough to get pregnant,

Survive the entire pregnancy,

And hold their baby right after delivery,

Watch them grow healthily until death.

They were so ready to feel all kinds of feelings,

The roller coaster ride of a newborn,

That how they would be deprived of sleep for several months.

The only constant they have in their life is,

They know nothing about physical and mental experience,

That a pregnancy and a lifetime project of parenthood brings.

The whole point is,

You don't know that,

They are desperate,

And at the same time so helpless,

And so unfortunate.