The Other Side of Celebrating Teachers Day: Collective Stories of School Trauma

Over six months ago, something dramatic happened in my life so much so that it pushed me over the edge. All of my past traumas and wounds I buried long ago came back on the surface. 

My plan to write about teachers has been dormant for almost three to four years. The reason why I didn’t write was that, there wasn’t anything I could properly draft into a publishable piece, not because I get scared by people’s reactions.

The narrative to respect teachers is all over the place every once in a year. And I get it. Mr. S. Radhakrishnan deserved it, the name behind its celebration. 

As children, we are all taught to respect certain kinds of people. Respect your parents, people who literally brought you into the world and are no less than gods. Respect the elderly, and Teachers. 

Teachers are the foundation of your personality. Your school is considered a second home because you go back and forth from home to school since the day you joined the institution. The home environment, as well as the school environment, plays a vital role in how we become as a person. 

If the experiences are positive, one becomes an empathetic, kind-hearted individual who will very likely thrive in the future. There are more nuances in it, but let’s keep it straight-forward at the moment.

The negative experience does the reverse. I have observed bad experiences more often than the good ones, to me, as well as to my peers. I actually talked to some people, few of my pals and relatives to share their personal stories so that it helps me in narrating the common grounds that most teachers endured in the nineties and early two-thousands (and even before) that were downright toxic. Since there are positives already circulating around, let’s talk about uncomfortable truths that equally need attention.

The Other Side of Celebrating Teachers Day

Since day one of my academic journey, as far as I can recall, it was a hectic, melodramatic, and walking-on-eggshells kind of experience for the rest of 15+ years. This involves my school, undergraduate, and postgraduate journey. The teachers, and lecturers hated me, and I hated them in return. Some of them didn’t even know that I existed in their class. 

There are several reasons why I don’t respect teachers in general, and I would like to share why. It's not like someone is a teacher and I am going to see them in a negative lens, but the respect part comes only when I come to know them as a person. In my experience, they had some common traits that were not pleasant. I am not sure about the present, but I do not think there have been many changes over the years.

Following are the reasons why I don't respect teachers

Most educators had a rigid mindset. They had negative and positive biases based on a number of factors, such as whether were they casteist, sexist, insecure, egoist, and so on. Therefore, their treatment revolved largely around how their pupils were or acted in front of them - whether they belonged (or didn't belong) to their common ideologies, scored good grades, were obedient or questioned them, were rebellious, or not. Let's cover them in more detail.

Their biased attitudes and favoritism 

Some pupils simply became their teachers’ pets, and it was not always related to scoring marks. It could be because of their appearance, caste/religion, or gender, or them being funny, or maybe they kept buttering up or pleasing those teachers. 

Sometimes it would be negative biases, and no matter what a student did, the teacher would always ignore a handful of their students. Other times, the neglect was followed by meanness, humiliation, mocking, picking sides, and so on.

When I was doing my postgraduate, they said our internal exam scores would be the exact numbers they’d be submitting to the university. When I scored well, they didn’t send those marks. When I didn’t score well, they did. It does feel even to this day that it was their deliberate attempt to not let me secure a better ranking.

Casteist or Sexist Remarks 

I’d seen and heard such instances where they’d casually ask someone’s caste and show love or hatred based on whether it aligned with their own ideologies. I remember how an external exam faculty member in our twelfth practical boards was asking each student their surname before beginning his viva questionnaire.

There were instances of girls (12-15 year old) being slut-shamed in schools either because their outfits looked revealing in their opinion, or their friendly attitude towards opposite gender, and this wasn’t applicable most often to boys. 

Some teachers would say things like "girls are bad at math" and that would quickly reinforce that belief among their male students who would continue to carry forward that thinking.

Their rigid outlook towards the world was why they loved or hated some pupils. When they were fond of them, then no issues. In case they hated, all hell broke lose.

Hatred towards some pupils permanently 

Few educators had the habit of hating some of their students. No matter what that student did or didn’t do, the dislike remained throughout. If that student had a fight with someone else, that someone else wouldn’t be beaten or scolded, but the disliked one almost always certainly. 

If parents of the disliked one complained about this attitude, the teacher would likely retaliate by sending them less internal marks, or wouldn’t allow them to showcase their talents when clearly they pleaded to write their names for participation in extra-curricular activities. Teachers would take trivial issues personally instead of tackling it professionally when clearly they mishandled the rivalry in the first place.

Public Humiliation 

It was not uncommon that educators would insult their pupils in front of the entire class of fifty-something students out of frustration about anything. It might not even sound feasible.

When I was in class twelfth, there was this Maths teacher whose favorite pastime was to demotivate me in some way. There were few other students but my insults were way more regular than others. He’d look for some excuses and cursed whenever there was an opportunity. His statements wouldn’t stop like for at least 15 minutes. I hated his class but I had no choice. It wasn’t that common to complain about such people to parents and escalate the matter because they’d find an excuse of student being weak in studies. It was hence justifiable to everyone. 

I am not going deeper into why he did, except that his life was nothing short of miserable and I was “the chosen one” for being scapegoated. Or maybe he thought that demotivating students could fuel determination to score. Anyway, this affected me for several years.

Demotivation does not help in personal growth. It does the opposite. It took me two decades to shut down my inner critic, and I am still not hundred percent there yet. Some students commit suicides because such teachers exist. Let's not glorify emotional abuse in the name of studies. 

Too harsh treatment 

My mother went to a convent school. Convent schools used to top the list in terms of harshest punishments. Once the entire class was under the sunlight for several hours due to some reason. It was a late daytime so not that pleasant. Another time all girls were sprayed some kind of pest medication on their scalp the moment they realized it was infested with lice. Many girls were crying out of embarrassment and shame.

When I was in fifth grade, there was a teacher who was very used to slapping at least one student every other day. If bad handwriting - slap, didn’t answer a question in oral test - slap. Once she decided to force everyone in the class to do 100 reps of sit-ups if a student failed to answer her question. Not a single student was spared, even those who were usually good in studies. 

There was this one girl who was physically struggling to do that. She couldn’t sit and back up the way sit ups were supposed to be done. The teacher showed no mercy and she was threatened using her usual violent strategies.

In eight standard, I was beaten on knuckles, a very common practice to generate fear, for not answering a question in math. My hands ached for one whole week.

Gossiping about their students 

The teaching staff, maybe not always the entire group, but some would know gossips about teenagers (mainly girls) such as who hangs out more often, who went to whose birthdays, perceived romantic couples, and so on. 

Now if someone tells me that those students were minors and teachers had every right to show great deal of strictness in case boundaries were crossed, then I’d like to ask them about the college institutions why this moral policing still doesn’t stop now that everyone is an adult? 

This was more about supervising female students, not about morals. 

I remember an instance from my postgraduate days where an adult female student was beaten by her father after a lecturer complained about her alleged affair. She was caught talking to a man outside the college campus. The beatings were visible and she had a bandage on her head. Ask me more about controlling girls and women and I’d give you more examples like this one.

Predatory behavior 

We read cases in the newspaper regarding such matters. Pedophiles masking under the designation of Principal or a subject teacher sexually abusing, assaulting, or raping minor children of both genders. Is there no way to determine who could be and could not be a predator? Is the system that weak that the cases will keep happening and everyone will stay mute.

When a junior boy was sexually assaulted by a male teacher in our school, the authorities put pressure on his parents to not mention the name of the institution in newspaper. This happened in my eleventh grade.

It breaks my heart whenever I read a news about minors being violated, physically beaten to death, or mentally tortured for studies to the point of committing suicide.

The education system should be considered as a failure if they care is only about bringing score to the table with no morals and ethics, where most pupils only learn whatever is there in their syllabus. When an educator struggles to manage their own insecurities, get offended by nearly anything then how would they teach manners to the new generation.

The education institutions need more than just checklist of subjects and syllabus.

Indians have herd mentality. They are emotionally paralyzed and do not care about the EQ because IQ is what brings attention and validation. People follow what others are chasing and what most fellows approve of. If someone is earning a huge sum of money after passing a certain exam, getting a degree from so and so institution then everyone would run behind that without a second thought. They think that that particular field is bringing remarkable results to the other party, so why not their child should also follow that lead. And the case is closed. No curiosity what their child wants.

For instance, if they collectively think that engineering is the best field and those getting selected in IITs are nothing less than elite then only those would be respected and others wouldn't matter. This is limited literacy. When I saw the series The Big Bang Theory I discovered that Theoretical Physicists and Experimental Physicists are of higher ranks than engineers. But most Indians don't know. This is one field I just talked about.

A large fraction of people do not conform to the set standard and continuous failures in the eyes of the world naturally makes a person self-conscious of a lot of things. As previously mentioned, inner critic slowly takes form.

Rise of the Inner Critic

We as a person don’t realize how this inner critic begins to cultivate in our heads rent free. Insecure teachers dump their toxic garbage in our psyche permanently simply by repeating certain patterns that our nervous system welcomes it with its open arms. It takes years to recognize in the first place that you are not worthless even if they treated you badly.

It took me significant amount of time to see that the way I was perceiving myself was not true in factual sense. Yet I was harsh to the point of no return because I was seeing myself through their lens. Once the realization hit consciously, the next step was to reverse this using positive self-talk.

What is positive self-talk?

As the name suggests, we need to keep reminding ourselves each time we get stuck in a loop of self-hatred that others' validation does not determine our worth. So, it typically looks like this:

“You matter”

“You are not unlovable”

“It’s not your fault if their life is miserable”

“You are not responsible for their good mood”

“It’s okay if you did not bring result as expected. It’s not the end of the world”

“Your present score does not decide your future of what you become”

How can teachers learn that humiliation is never the answer?

Let’s assume that I could score well after the constant insults by my maths teacher in my high school. Could I have been able to stop the inner critic? Pupils who scored well in their past, I’d like to ask them, are you satisfied with your life? Is your worth totally based on how well you do in your life? Does failure make you feel worthless because others stopped validating you? Developing inner critic is regardless of accomplishments. 

Traits of a respectable teacher

Contrary to what I mentioned, a good teacher has none of those characteristics. The ones who I truly respect to this day were those whose primary skill was to teach their students well, who had better anger management skills, and those who did not insult their students regardless how well they achieved but actually asking them the reason behind their failure. They were the ones who went to great lengths so that their ‘weak’ student finally improved. This was through thorough guidance, availability even via a phone call to ask for doubts. 

My Sanskrit teacher was just a phone call away in our tenth board exams. She would remain awake until 2:30 am during final days of board examination in case her students had doubts. This is the dedication all subject teachers are supposed to have. Everybody doesn’t have to wake until 2:30, but they require to be responsive for certain number of hours. 

Indian schools lack getting a teacher even without basic subject knowledge

There are teachers who get a job in government institutions even without a legitimate knowledge or hands on experience. I have pals who complained that an English teacher in their school didn’t know how to speak fluent English at all, let alone teaching them. But such teachers wouldn’t hesitate to bully their students, wouldn’t take accountability if most of their students couldn’t bring expected results. Such kind of audacity needs to stop. I now feel why lots of government jobs remain vacant because there are plenty of undeserving candidates with just a degree.

Since getting a degree is so common in our country that it shouldn’t be the only benchmark to get a job in a school. There should be an exam to determine whether that candidate really fits the bill of someone worth trusting. Someone who knows how to handle different personalities of pupils, someone whose punishment doesn’t sound like mocking, who is worth respecting for life.

And so, the question arises... 

How to hire a genuine teacher in schools and colleges?

I am no education expert. I can put forth my opinion about what can be done. But it's the responsibility of the government authorities/higher management to think how to implement it.

Schools and colleges should train their staff members to provide fair treatment. Understand that no student is more or less intelligent. The first ranker has nearly the same intelligence as the last ranker except neurodivergent pupils, such as those having Autism Spectrum Disorder who need extra efforts to learn. I am not talking about literal IQ that measures their performance. But their ability to accomplish better if their environment and guidance are proper.

Maybe the first ranker has the parental pressure, or is excellent at cramming but average in understand logical reasoning. Some students follow through instruction and their obedience help them be their teacher’s pet. Others could be better at questioning whatever they are asked to learn, research, etc. Not all first rankers are crammers, nor all last benchers are going to be genius. There is no absolute calculation for all this. Let's train teachers to not demotivate anybody however they perceive a student, intelligent or not.

What is intelligence?

Speaking of intelligence, a lot of times people misunderstand due to certain kinds of hype.

Albert Einstein had speech delays. He didn’t speak until 5 years of age. Most of his teachers weren’t satisfied with his academic performance because he was bad at remembering dates and events that were required from him while studying history. The Theory of Relativity was one of his greatest research breakthrough.

Every other student isn't becoming a scientist if they learn a language later in their life. Nonetheless, they are not permanent failures either as a lot of teachers confidently advocated about some students in my past observation.

How much should an educational degree matter while hiring a teacher?

A person should be a human first then their degree and designation. An educational degree does not guarantee empathy. So, if a school or college thinks that a person is a perfect fit to become a teacher because of their degree and the experience they represent then they should also keep monitoring them on occasional basis without their knowledge once being hired.

These days installing CCTV cameras is common. The management can also take occasional reviews from students. Scoring marks by majority is one factor, and the treatment they generally get is another. In addition, discourage gossips regarding students except parts that are just informational, and those that genuinely need addressing due to serious concern.

Teacher's treatment towards their students and the lifetime scars that it brings

Boys get beaten in the name of ‘toughening them up’, but that's doing the opposite instead. Making them more fragile, egoist in return. Countless men are abusive physically or otherwise without their awareness to their wives and children, and still get pampered to maintain the peace. Male friends do not often talk about their sentiments compared to their female counterparts. Men are also less likely to seek therapy, and more likely to kill themselves.

We got beaten. We grew up fine!

- No you didn't. You have anger issues!

There are millions of adults who behave like that because the environment where they grew up was venomous. We can’t help it and empathy isn’t a solution in case we’re dealing with violent adults who aren’t changing now. But we can bring change if the education institutions could work more on developing mentally healthy individuals alongside studies. So that the future generations don’t became criminals, or just a regular toxic individual in a day to day life.

People don’t literally have to become the kind of individual they once feared of. They are capable to rise above that. 

I am not sure about teachers at present, and only real-life encounter with them while dealing with my daughter would justify that. Although there are instances I read in news like school staff forcing their female students to confirm whether they were menstruating, in washrooms. There are many schools like the one I mentioned, but only very few of them get the highlight.

Now one might argue that negative experiences are part of life and we aren’t going to get all rainbows and unicorn treatments. They need to understand the difference between getting occasional scolding because of practical reasons and getting systematically humiliated because their teachers keep certain kinds of bias against their students. 

I agree that there is a flip side. Lots of educators have experienced humiliation by their students as well. A lot of them complain about their struggles of tackling 60 something students in a single class and it's natural of them to feel overwhelmed and stressed out. I am all ears to listen but they need to step up and say it out load about their own dilemma. I have mentioned the extreme cases regarding their unfair treatment by the teachers, not those who themselves face harassment from students. That's another day of discussion.