What if Society was Matriarchal? Will it Thrive by Changing Gender Roles?

Each year whenever International Women’s Day arrives, I always try hard to think about a good blog that could be written. But nothing crosses my mind, awe-inspiring enough that I should pen down right away. And the day fades away like thin air. So, this time I thought I will definitely write something but only when if there is anything worth making effort for. I can then plan to share that already-published article on 8th March, every year maybe. Well, that gave me a tremendous guilt-free relief for the years to come.

We always come across the term “patriarchy” whose meaning is simple if one gives an ounce of time to do a little research, but more often what we see is, people profoundly get annoyed once they hear or read it. And, feminism? It’s a hush hush term! Dare not to openly declare yourself as a feminist else your character would be immensely assassinated. To be clear, this blog isn’t going to focus on educating you. Rather more on reversing the situation.

Patriarchy is an organised system in which the male candidates in the family and at workplaces rule over others. They always have upper hand on quite much everything such as property rights, monthly pay, decision-making in the family, etc. It’s complicated to understand especially for those who always got benefits of that. Interchanging the situation might help them comprehend it, hence this blog. The following points portray the scenario of matriarchy if it existed:

Courtesy: Rajasthan Patrika

If Changing Gender Roles Helped - What if society was matriarchal?

1. Male infanticide and foeticide would be common and that would make an imbalance between male to female (number of males per thousand females) sex ratio. Since most families wouldn’t want boy babies, they would rather prefer killing them inside the womb or right after their birth. Several non-profit organisations would have to request people to not kill, instead send them to their place or government hospitals so that they could be adopted by prospective parents.

Yes, matriarchy would offer the world this situation. The patriarchy has never been lenient towards girl children and due to this, the sex ratio continues to decline, OR maybe improved a little at some places but nothing significant. If they don’t kill those babies, they look down upon those couples who reproduce girls as if it is some kind of curse. Many times, I had heard stories told by housemaids’ who said that their husbands wouldn’t talk to them for several days after the delivery of a girl child. Sometimes it’s their families who pressure them to deliver girls, if not husbands.

2. It would be men’s duty to cook, clean and taking care of children. Their earning wouldn’t matter if that requires leaving everything behind. Being ambitious for men would be termed as selfish. They have to compromise their career to look after the house, especially once the children are born.

Isn’t that common in regular households where women are expected to nurture the entire family, take care of children and elders, putting their own careers on stake? This wouldn’t look odd to the rest of the world because they have been doing this for centuries. Biologically, they deliver babies so they have to be there for childcare like breastfeeding and changing diapers. But isn’t that extreme for men to never be there with their wife to assist so that her physical and emotional burden are put away?

There are men who do take active role in childcare and other household duties but there are also those who are too egoist to show affection or vulnerabilities. There are plenty of men in my knowledge who are just too privileged.

3. It would be compulsory for men to learn to cook else they would be judged by his wife/fiancé and her family members. It would be a matter of choice if a woman is interested to cook food but it would be mandatory for men to know making meals for sure. Without this skill, they would be judged by almost everyone especially while greeting for marriage proposals.

Cooking is a skill everyone must know. The world should at least learn during this era of Covid-19 pandemic that cooking meals is one of the most important skills all children should know. The complete lockdown in India had compelled lots of single boys to ask their mothers over the phone the basics of making pulses, vegetables, and the like. This is because their mothers never prioritised teaching them. In case of daughters, countless women train them right after entering their teen years, so they didn’t find any difficulty. I am not talking about exceptional cases, but most common cases.

Courtesy: www.daily.jstor.org

4. Marriage events would be hosted by the groom’s family, including the finances, and bride’s family members would criticise about minute things.

Ever heard about groom’s angry fufa (that annoying uncle all Indian families have) who wants to make fuss about little things that the bride’s family missed? They wouldn’t care about how much stress her parents must’ve taken and did everything in their power to make everyone happy. Reverse this now!

5. Dowry would be asked by bride’s family so that the groom could secure his future with his in-laws. Though his own dowry wouldn’t be his own as that would be passed further during bride’s brother’s marriage. There would be cases where newly-wedded groom is being emotionally abused by his greedy wife and in-laws for not bringing enough dowry.

Well, you must know why I wrote this!

I have heard about reverse dowry in some cultures. But I am against this practice whether it is about give or take. Money should neither be given nor sought regardless what financial position any party has. If parents really want to gift anything for their daughter, her in-laws must know that it’s hers and nobody else’s, no not even her husband’s, legally.

6. Men would be told to wear appropriate clothes that shows less skin else their character would be in question. They would be expected to wear full length jeans, trousers, t-shirts, and shirts. Men will have to fight for their rights to wear shorts and sleeveless shirts. After all, it’s against human rights. They deserve to live freely!

7. Men wouldn’t be allowed to go outside late at night else their family would fear being molested or worse. Women would be allowed to go instead since they would be least likely to be harassed.

8. Women would be promoted and be given more salary hikes often compared to men due to gender discrimination. Gender discrimination means getting benefits just because someone belongs to a particular gender.

If men really want to see through this discrimination, they should virtually make a profile that looks like a woman’s and talk to the clients the way they usually do. I am sure they would know the difference.

9. Birth of a male child would question man’s ability to procreate a girl child ever. His wife wouldn’t even talk to him for days if she realises that she had to deliver a boy child because of him. Remember that we aren’t changing the biology. We are just interchanging the scenario of the norms.

This happens in villages to this day at present. If a woman has girl children, she is looked down upon as mentioned earlier. People may think that she only delivers girls and not boys. Just imagine what else illiteracy can do!

Courtesy: zeenews.india.com

10. Couples will have lots of children to get a girl child because they always reproduce male children who wouldn’t even live and inherit anything. It would have a history of giving one-fourth of the property or equivalent assets at the time of marriage to their boy, the rest would be divided among girls and the boy wouldn’t get anything. Even if the Law later permits to have an equal share most boys wouldn’t ask for their rights for the sake of maintaining peace in the family.

11. Women would feel too privileged that they wouldn’t take their relationship and childcare seriously. So, more often they would indulge in hanging out with other women in pubs and would return back drunk. In fact, they would consume alcohol almost every other day leading to drift in their terms with husband. This would also cause emotional turmoil for children as well due to daily fights and possible violence being executed against the husband.

12. If their husband asks for divorce, he would be mentally tortured to take his statements back. Else it would be a matter of shame to his entire family. Though legally accepted, there would be a social pressure to do everything on his own without much support from anyone because he was expected to adjust with his wife for the sake of children. Those who didn’t care much about the society would be applauded by few but would be left alone by many for taking such bold decision. They didn’t care as their peace of mind mattered. Additionally, they would be given some money for childcare but would be blamed for snatching their wife’s money.

13. He would be questioned if he was sexually harassed by someone, or his marriage didn’t work. Whenever he would make any serious accusation, he wouldn’t be believed by most people around, instead would be blamed for falsifying the actual facts.

If his marriage didn’t work, people would think that it was his fault to not compromise enough. It would be a man’s fault if his wife cheats on him or becomes an alcohol addict because he didn’t please her enough, or looked good enough so she had to indulge in other means of pleasure.

14. Men would be expected to look physically attractive, and women to earn more money because during arrange marriage settings such prospects would matter. There would also be specific protocols that men need to take care of when it comes to appearance, such as, fair complexion, muscular physique, certain kinds of hairstyle and grooming. They may also feel the need to have plastic surgery to shape their nose, lips, cheeks, and so on.

15. He would be questioned for being in multiple relationships or sexual partners and that such men would be labelled as whores. These people would not be potential candidates in the marriage market for the same reason. On the contrary, if women are polygamous, people wouldn’t care much.

16. Men would be expected to change their surname after marriage or else would be judged. In some situations, they may also require to change their first names as per family traditions.

Are you aware that in reality, some women have to change their first name and surname both because some families heavily rely on horoscopes, thinking that it would make the couple compatible till death do them apart? Even though that sounds ridiculous in this day and age, it still happens in some households in my knowledge. I am not sure how common that is because India is a huge country with significant population and varying cultures.

17. They will have to have fasting on special occasions: There are various occasions when men would be expected to fast for God or (future/current) wife. They could refuse but everyone in their periphery would judge them for not being ‘sanskari’ enough. Some would happily do fasting and tend to shame those who are against such traditions.

Picture courtesy: www.alcoholrehabguide.org

There could be more points that may also need be put. I might have forgotten. If you think that something crucial is missing, you are free to let me know.

By knowing what I’ve just written, I don’t think that matriarchy will do any good to humanity. It will be just like patriarchy in reverse order. We as society do not need to simply put gender roles to men and women and create competition; instead, we have to let everyone work in a way so that everyone feels that they are given equal contribution. Only in that manner we all can thrive and our communities can last. Else, it will bring more evil and campaigns against each other.

Organised patriarchy has brought substantial imbalance among males and females. The idea that women are supposed to cook and take care of children and elders, and men are supposed to earn money has invited too much pressure on men to be the sole breadwinners with handsome salaries. That is why families of women only look for upper middle class or rich men in arrange marriage settings.

If young boys and girls are taught right from their childhood that both are intellectually sound and can bring in equal amount of salaries, there would be less stress only on one candidate. It is a proven fact that women in workforce improves a country’s economy significantly.

I have always noticed that most cisgender heterosexual men tend to deny patriarchy. Most women, trans people and homosexual men are able to see through. The reason is legitimate. Many cishetero men often benefit from such kind of system. Now it’s not that men don’t have any issues or they could never be oppressed by their wives but the number is way smaller.

Learn the difference between being in disadvantage because the other party is selfish as an individual verses getting oppressed because countless people have the tendency to degrade your entire community/gender.

If you think things like women are bad drivers and bad at math and yet cry for equality then you are part of the problem because it goes both ways.

Consider feminism equivalent to black lives matter. It does not mean that those who are not people of color have no value, white people for example. It implies that first they need to accept that they are privileged than their other counterparts and racism exist. Only after that they would be able to work towards the world of equal treatment.

Feminists too do not want any more female infanticide, foeticide, and remarks like “you cannot do this because you are a woman”. Do not think that they’re making some kind of secret society to pick fights whenever an opportunity kicks in. Literally, cases that you see sometimes about a random woman making fake accusation are those who just happened to be a woman, not because they support feminism. Anybody can be a feminist. You don’t have to be qualified to be born as a female. Raja Ram Mohan Roy was true a feminist in my opinion. He was a dignified man and worked hard towards women and child rights. If he weren't there in that era, social evils like Sati pratha and many more would still exist. Such movements are necessary to bring changes, else the world will remain in stone age.

As a man, try not to show cold shoulders whenever you see a girl complaining about patriarchy. This is because patriarchy is equally damaging to men as well because it expects them to always hold their vulnerable emotions like grievance and be that rough-and-tough (sole) wage-earner. The concept of gold-diggers that you mock the most too is an outcome of patriarchy, since her parents raised her to be the housewife just like your parents told you to earn well.

I am sure, there will be men out there who would still argue “what about innocent men”. Clearly, you did not understand, and I am incapable to debate with those who don’t use enough brains.